The best class-action lawsuits to which I was a party of the year

A Read Max Year in Review List

Greetings from Read Max HQ! In lieu of our regular reading roundup, this week’s Friday newsletter is a year-end list.

There are few emails I enjoy receiving more than those that begin “We are emailing you because our records indicate that you may have purchased [DEATH-TRAP CONSUMER GOOD]. If so, you may be affected by a class action lawsuit alleging that [CARELESS MULTINATIONAL CONGLOMERATE] misled you and/or put you and/or your data in jeopardy.” I like these emails because “filling out a series of forms on a website with a purpose-built URL in order to claim a small amount of money from a corporation which has recently been sued by an enterprising lawyer or five on your behalf for breaches of implied contract you may not even have been aware of” is among the true pleasures of life as an American citizen in the year 2022, and about as close to a feeling of “the system is working” as I ever get.

This year I was a Class Member in five class-action lawsuits -- at least, five that I was aware of. Let’s count down the top five best class-action lawsuits to which I was a party of 2022!

5. In re: Equifax Inc. Customer Data Security Breach Litigation, Case No. 1:17-md-2800-TWT

Defendant: Equifax Inc.
Class: “the approximately 147 million U.S. consumers identified by Equifax whose personal information was impacted by the Equifax Data Breach.”
I am a Class Member because: Through no particular choice or fault of my own this enormous company has been collecting data on me for my entire adult life and then not protecting it properly.
My involvement this year: Receiving my settlement benefits
Total settlement: Up to $505,500,000 in compensation
Max Read’s cut: $5.21, via Paypal

Underwhelming. Equifax is admittedly a good villain, but “credit bureau loses data you didn’t even know it had” is a cliché, and the hype over the “largest-ever settlement for a data breach” ended in individual payouts large enough to buy myself, at best, one (canned) beer (at a bar in New York City) (with tip). In terms of class-action lawsuits this year in which I was a Class Member, this was a big disappointment.

4. de Lacour v. Colgate-Palmolive Co., Case No. 16-cv-8364-KW

Defendant: Colgate-Palmolive Co.
Class: Anyone who “purchased Tom’s of Maine deodorant or toothpaste in either New York, California, or Florida on or after September 24, 2015.”
Allegation: The lawsuit alleges “that Colgate-Palmolive Co. and Tom’s of Maine, Inc. (‘Defendants’) misrepresented their toothpaste and deodorant products (‘Tom’s Products’) as ‘natural,’ when they allegedly contain some non-natural ingredients.”
I am a Class Member because: I have bought Tom’s of Maine toothpaste

¹

in the state of New York on several occasions since September 2015, mostly from nearby pharmacies and grocery stores, and at least once, apparently, from Amazon, which was kind enough to inform me of my potential Class Membership.
My involvement this year: Declining to exclude myself from the Class.
Total settlement: N/A
Max Read’s cut: N/A

I love the potential here -- a great, unexpected defendant and a really fun claim -- and I could see this climbing higher if everything goes well, but at this stage in the process it’s hard to rank it above settled class-action suits.

3. In re: T-Mobile Customer Data Security Breach Litigation, MDL No. 3019, Case No. 4:21-md-03019-BCW

Defendant: T-Mobile
Class: “the approximately 76 million U.S. residents identified by T-Mobile whose information was compromised in the T-Mobile Data Breach.”
I am a Class Member because: I am a longtime and continuing customer of T-Mobile for reasons of cheapness/laziness.
My involvement this year: I filed a claim for Alternative Cash Payment.
Total settlement: $350,000,000 in customer restitution
Max Read’s cut (potential): $25

Great early figures on the pay-out (California residents might get as much as $125) but “cell phone company data breach” is a rote narrative, and it’s hard to gin up any real enthusiasm about T-Mobile as a defendant. All in all, a middle-of-the-pack lawsuit and experience -- could see it heading up or down this list whenever the payment comes.

2. In re: All-Clad Metalcrafters, LLC, Cookware Marketing and Sales Practice Litigation, MDL No. 2988, Master Case No. 2:21-mc-491-NR

Defendant: All-Clad Metalcrafters, LLC
Class: Anyone who purchased All-Clad D3, D5, or LTD Cookware (the “Cookware”) during the period January 1, 2015 to July 29, 2022.
Allegation: “The lawsuit alleges that All-Clad advertised the Cookware as being ‘dishwasher safe’ but, when cleaned in the dishwasher, one or more metal cooking layers may become thin and/or sharp, particularly along the rim of the Cookware (‘Sharp Edges’ or ‘Defect’).”
I am a Class Member because: In 2020 I purchased a D3 Stainless 3-ply Bonded Cookware Sauce Pan with lid (3-quart) from All-Clad.
My involvement this year: I made a claim to receive the benefits provided under the Settlement.
Total settlement: $4,000,000 in customer restitution mostly given as discounts on All-Clad products.
Max Read’s cut: “a future purchase credit of 35% off purchases, up to a total purchase of $750.00 (up to a $262.50 value), on any product(s) on All-Clad’s website” (not yet given).

I love this one. Great defendant, great allegation. My D3 sauce pan has not experienced the “Sharp Edges” issue, possibly because I don’t have a dishwasher, so this is all upside for me. This All-Clad pasta pot with built-in strainer that I’ve had my eye on would only be $65 after my discount… think how much more delicious a big bowl of linguine would be if it had the special taste of class-action justice.

1. Barr v. Drizly, LLC, Case No. 1:20-cv-11492

Defendant: Drizly, LLC
Class: “All Persons in the United States whose customer data was compromised in the data intrusion security incident that Drizly made public on July 28, 2020, in which an unauthorized party accessed certain personally identifiable information of Drizly’s customers (‘Data Breach’).”
I am a Class Member because: In 2017 I bought a bottle of Espolòn Blanco through Drizly (a liquor delivery service) for my friend Leah for reasons that have been completely lost to time. (She’d just gotten a job?)
Total settlement: Up to $3,150,000 in cash and $447,750 “in credits against Drizly’s service fee for orders placed through its platform”
Max Read’s cut: $11.83 on a Target gift card

I can see it being a controversial choice, but this, to me, is the ideal class-action lawsuit experience: An email out of the blue, telling you that you may be due a settlement because a website you used once and barely remember probably lost your data, followed by a series of very scammy-seeming websites you have to navigate and forms you have to fill out to make your claim, leading, in the end, to a digital Target gift card for less than $12 that you keep forgetting to use. What a country! What a legal system! No notes.

1. I don’t think I’ve ever bought Tom’s of Maine deodorant. (My deodorant of choice for a decade or so now has been “Arm & Hammer Essentials Natural Deodorant, Rosemary Lavender Scent,” a widely available product whose “naturalness” I harbor no particular illusions about.)