38 Comments
Sep 15, 2023Liked by Max Read

I wish I could remember where I heard someone describe the imagined Apple customer persona in these videos as "California Man," the guy who tracks his workouts, creates intricate shared photo libraries on his iPad, goes to Hawaii on the regular, records his daughter's birthday using augmented reality goggles, etc.

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Rich is a liar, those sage leaves were fried

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It’s funny how in reality emojis are used like a dialect but in apple’s marketing emojis are only used as a redundancy haha. I went camping ⛺️!

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author

Yeah, just in case you're texting with an illiterate person

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I’m in group chats with big tech marketing executives and I can promise you: the valley can be as uncanny as Dimension Apple makes it seem.

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I would watch a dystopian horror film based on the "Not the same without you" email.

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This is not a good read it’s a fucking great read.

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Thank you for something I didn’t know I needed. Also! The sick day excuses seems a bit off brand...

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author

I noticed that too... my theory is that the sick day excuses are involved with the surprise party somehow? Like someone has to call in sick to make the surprise more effective somehow? But obviously they will go to work anyway; everyone goes to work in Dimension Apple.

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One interesting additional angle here: I believe Apple Stores' demo products (iPhones, etc.) have their own fake messages/data on there. Might there even be a deeper additional Apple dimension?

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author

I shudder to think!

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There are a lot more of these to mine from the wwdc or device event keynotes… even the original iPhone announcement has fake texts from Steve Jobs to Phil Schiller planning to go out for sushi

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Sep 15, 2023Liked by Max Read

Also check out the default content in Notes/Messages/etc on the demo devices in Apple retail stores. Lots of event planning there too.

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Graham McBride shows up in iOS 7 and 17, and now I want to know what he was doing in the 10 intervening operating systems. What trips did he take?? How many surprise parties did he get pictures of!?

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author

Whoa, great catch--another planeswalker, slipping in and out of reality at will!

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My texts from my family/friends:

Friend: hows your week?

Me: (calls instead of texts)

Me: sends link with no context

Friend: hearts it

Friend: are you definitely doing it?

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Haha, Apple dimensions is ridiculous! No one actually has relationships where they plan trips and parties and dinners,and inquire after each others feelings, right? Right??? 😢😢😢

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author

😅

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I’ve been in chats similar to Dimension Apple, but the participants were not quite so relentlessly committed to reproducing 20-something Friends Clone sitcom dynamics. There were a lot more responses like “that sounds super-fun! Too bad I’m flying out for a wedding that weekend”.

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That should be a canned response pre-loaded into every iPhone at this point

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I love this and you are exactly correct about playdate texts. The more I stared at the opus, I saw dystopia managing to work itself into the meta-narratrive. This birthday party. Why "installing" three cameras? And I am not the only one with questions -- we have a real cliff hanger with Grant Jividen jumping in with "I heard what you are planning for the party . . ." The preface of "Do you have some time tonight" tells me Grant is NOT on board. And what are we to make of the long-winded, dare I say heartbroken, Sarah Castelblanco? Is crumbing on Larry really the way back to Eden? And what of the talk of "advancement" meaning they can't have coffee . . . obscured by the photo - did she become a supervisor and one of them had to leave? Does Larry know Andrew - shivved by none other than John Bishop? And what's with Blair Lockhart taking reneging on the beanbag loan - what kind of crisis would justify THAT d-bag move. Finally, we have Michael Dibs a little more than a little desperate in trying to connect with his soon to be ex on their kids first day at school -- she rises to none of the bait and the Dibbler is left to concede with "see you bright and early" when his child will be repossessed. Bet he regrets all those emojis. There is a lot going on here.

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These really remind me of the canned dialogues you find in language teaching materials.

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Gives me an idea to make a content preview filler plugin for Figma featuring all those Apple's happy texts, quirky names, avatars and images.

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